In July of this year I got diagnosed with cancer of the oesophagus. Bit of a bombshell to say the least. I'd been having some problems swallowing, doc had put it down to anxiety and muscle spasms, which sounded fair considering in ever other respect I was healthy. Unfortunately, after getting progressively worse tests found a large tumour in my oesophagus and spread to the surrounding lymph nodes. And more unfortunately, it was borderline curative/palliative for treatment options because of the size and the involvement of the lymph nodes.
So the world changed. Slowly but surely the world changed. It starts with appointments, tests, results, decisions to be made, treatment to be undergone. Priorities change, and no matter how many times you hear it's normal, it doesn't feel it. And no matter how much you're warned, you're never ready for the reality.
I'm nearly at the end of treatment now, six weeks of radiation and two cycles of chemo all at the same time. My oncologist wanted me to blog about how hard the treatment was, to warn others I guess and 'get it out there'. I'm not sure my words will have any more impact than anyone else's but here goes....
IT SUCKS!
The constant nausea, the vomiting, the lack of concentration, the pain, the misery that makes you want to give up, to give in. The amount of effort required for the little things - going to the toilet, brushing your teeth, even rolling over in bed can seem insurmountable. It's a soul destroying misery that you can't ever be prepared for, there are no words enough to describe it.
And then there's the effect on those around you, partner, kids, siblings, parents, friends. Of course there's support out there for them, the Cancer Society provides an amazing array of counselling, support groups and help. But at some point they're also on their own with their thoughts and fears. And some of life just continues as normal - school, work, bills, mortgages, these things go on as if nothing has happened. Yet at home it's turmoil. There's nothing that helps with trying to keep that balancing act going.
Yet things must go on and so life continues.
I'll be having more chemo next week, starting Wednesday for five days as an inpatient. It's looming and I'm trying not to think about it, after finally feeling a little better it's hard to know next week I'll be knocked right back down again.
But on the UFO front, this week I've actually felt like sewing so am working on the hand quilting on Civil War Bride. One border almost done, only three more to go. Best I get going with it before the motivation gets knocked out by chemo again.
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